


At least we are still alive

by Charlie0



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Dialogue Heavy, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-28
Updated: 2021-02-28
Packaged: 2021-03-12 06:41:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,034
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29755647
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Charlie0/pseuds/Charlie0
Summary: Well, shut up and listen, because I'll only say it once."
Relationships: Hermione Granger/Lucius Malfoy
Comments: 2
Kudos: 7





	At least we are still alive

**Author's Note:**

> Just a little drabble that came to my head while I was doing the dishes. It’s a one shot, although I feel like I have a few ideas for this pairing. Let me know what you think of it, reviews and kudos are always loved and appreciated.

"I'm sick of it, I'm sick of you telling me you don't understand me, telling me you don't understand my motivation, telling me you don't know what to do with me anymore. You want to know what's wrong with me? Well, shut up and listen, because I'll only say it once."

And surprisingly he sat down, got comfortable and gesticulated with his hands to imply that he was listening.

"I want to feel that someone needs me, whoever it is, that someone expects me to be okay, even though they understand that I can't be, that someone spends as many hours waiting to hear from me as I spend going crazy to know if the others are still alive. I need that, a connection, a human connection, that someone sees me as a human being, not as a decoration, a prize or a punishment, but as myself, Hermione, the person I was before my life, and everyone else's, went to hell.  
I'm sick of circling in my room, which for what it's worth could be a cell, feeling like a ghost.  
Because if there's one thing I know, and I know it's true, is that everyone thinks I'm dead, nobody is coming looking for me, I'm going to be here until this is all over, one way or another, if my side wins, they'll eventually find me, and I'll be just another victim who couldn't do anything in the war, other than break my friends' hearts, and if we lose, if we lose I do not know what I am.  
You may not treat me like a slave, but I'm a prisoner, and it's not your fault, I know, but you can't pretend that if your side wins, you're going to be able to do something to help me, if your side wins, I'm dead, or at least I'll wish I was.  
So please I beg you, stop repeating that I behave like a child, because at this point in the situation, for me not to spend the day crying and breaking everything as it falls on my hands should make clear my level of maturity.  
So let me ask you, other than to drive me crazy, don't look at me like that, other than to drive me crazy, what do you want from me, because if you don't understand me, even less do I understand you."

At the time it was impossible to decipher what was going through his head, it could be both fury and confusion, he was usually a rational man, something that had never passed through Hermione's head, but after four months living under the clutches, or perhaps the wings, of Lucius, Hermione had been forced to wonder what he really knew about that man. In intimacy, arrogance became a taciturn countenance, sometimes she believed he hated her, others wondered if he was worried about her, with such a man it was impossible to know. In recent months she had seen everything from outbursts of fury that brought about the stability of the house to whole days when he looked like a diss dried and withered statue, a surrendered man. So I had no idea what answer to expect from him.

"Dear girl, I don’t know, is that what you want to hear? I don't know, I don't know what's going to happen, I don't know how this is going to end, I'm not even sure it's going to end. Do you feel like a prisoner? How do you think I feel? In my house? without any power! I don't even know if my family is still alive! Unarmed, neutered, and perhaps the worst, ridiculed for everyone's enjoyment.  
You want a connection? Go ahead, what do you want from me?

......

Nothing, you don't want anything from me, so what do you expect me to give you?  
We both know that I have little to offer, in fact, the physical relief I give you is surely all I have. You can't ask me for more, because you know I can't give more, Not now, not yet. And if all this finally ends, I don't have answers either, if you win I'll end my days in Azkaban, if we win, I think I'd like to be dead too, so I ask again, what do you want, you just have to ask for it, but be realistic, you know what I can offer and what I can't."

She sat on her lap, sighing, getting as close as humanly possible, as many nights before. Was that really what they had been reduced to? Two crazy people having the same conversation over and over again?

"Why don't we do something? I'm sure we can do something, if you help me, I can speak for you, you're a prisoner too, you don't have to end locked up."

"How do you expect me to help you? Do you see me in a position to do anything? And before you answer, think, what would become of you if I died before the end? Do you think any other Death Eater would treat you the way I do?"

"No, but by now I don't care, your apathy is killing me."

"Ce la vie..."

"Maybe we could..."

"No"

"We should..."

"No"

"You're going to..."

"Listen to you? No, do you have any new ideas? Something we haven't discussed before until satiety?"

"No."

"I imagined it. This is useless, every day the same."

"And what do you want me to do? Give up? Because if I give up I think I'm dying."

"Why does everything have to be so extreme with you?"

"Because we are in an impossible situation, and maybe you are able to isolate yourself from everything and pretend that nothing matters to you anymore, but I do not, I refuse to believe that it is all over, because if I accept that, it no longer makes sense."

"Really, I don't understand you."

"Sometimes I don't understand myself either."

"Do I know, shall we sleep?"

“What for? So we can have the same conversation again tomorrow?”

“Probably.”

“This is useless, we are useless.”

“And we will continue to be for the time being, at least we are still alive.”


End file.
